Refresh.

Life's been going at 100 miles per hours lately, it seems. So today, after a nearly 10-hour day at work with annoying children, I decided to take the long walk back to my car...up, over, and around the hill. I've hiked this trail countless times, but always with a train of 5th graders in tow; today I was excited to experience it in the quiet and solitude I'd always imagined.

So I hiked. And I listened. And I prayed. And I even kicked off my Tom's and walked barefoot on the hard-packed clay and rocks, placing my feet right next to the coyote tracks cemented after the last rain. Dodging anthills in a goofy little sidestepping dance. Hoping I didn't run into a rattler or a mountain lion after weeks of no field trips at this site. And although my feet might have gotten a couple of small pricklies in them, it was totally worth it. My only regret is that I didn't take the longer trail...

Brains or BS?

So my friend from work is designing some science workshops to teach this summer. We've talked about them a bit at work, he's told me a bit about what he has in mind and I've shot a couple ideas back. And then tonight he called me to bounce some more ideas off me and see what I think. Me, who does NOT have a degree in biology like he does. Me, who hardly took ANY science classes in high school or college.

We talked for an hour and a half. I never knew I had so much to contribute to a week-long science "camp" on ecosystems or natural resources. But apparently I've learned a lot in my last 4 years as a field naturalist. Or have a lot of great and adaptable camp ideas. Or I've gotten really good at BS. Mostly and amazingly, I'm learning towards the first two...

Signs of growth

So I love Disneyland. And I love that lots of my friends have Disneyland passes. I tend to go quite often, usually with a crew from church or camp. Occasionally we'll round up the few of us passholders at work, but that's definitely a rarer experience. But today a friend from work and I headed out to visit the mouse, just the two of us. We've been spending a lot of time together at work, training and whatnot, but this was our first solo hangout that didn't involve animals or chemistry. And it was great! We had a lot of fun blasting through Toy Story Mania, snagging some fresh sourdough bread, and singing like the birdies sing at his personal favorite, the Tiki Room.

All was great and not at all awkward or anything, which I loved. Cause to the outsider, it might have appeared a date--something that once upon a time I would have avoided even the appearance of if it wasn't. Used to be I was so concerned about giving guys the wrong impression that I basically just gave them no impression at all and sometimes just avoided them. Thankfully, because of some great guy friends at camp, I've grown and enjoyed a great night with a good friend. And while the thought of "what might have been" back in the day kind of makes me sad of missed opportunities, I am realizing and thankful for the fact that I am not where I was back then, still today. It's always good to see signs of growth, you know?

Oh yeah, and we ran into my sister and her friend in line for Indy and, upon arriving home, I DID get the question I knew she was DYING to know at the park: "Hey were you on a date tonight? My friend and I think you make a cute couple!" Oh sisters...

Dance til you're dead

That's what about 15 of us middle school ministry staff did at church today! From about 1-10pm we were down in the basement, whipping our hair back and forth, partying in the USA, and so much more oh baby, baby, baby! Why, you may ask? Because tonight was our first annual MSM Mock Rock event! We had about 30 kids show up for the festivities, and they danced and sang and laughed along with us.

Now, dancing is so NOT my thing! But it's amazing what you do for the sake of ministry and what you can accomplish when you don't stop believing. And even though our bodies might hurt tomorrow morning, at least we're all in this together...

Here I go again

My third--and final, hallelujah!--weekend away in a row this month, this time to the desert with some work friends. And when I say work friends, I mostly just mean one and his wife and a bunch of their friends, some who I met one time, others who were completely new to me. This in itself is definitely a "tiny danger" faced for me; I'm one who likes to know there'll be someone around who's familiar in the midst of new people and new places. But not this time around, and it was an adventure...a booze-drinking, pot-smoking, f-word dropping good time. Definitely not the crowd I'm used to hanging around with, but all in all a good trip nonetheless. I did get to spend a lot of time hanging out with my friend and his wife, who were also abstaining from the other "festivities." We climbed some giant piles of rocks, tried not to blow away in the night as the winds roared around and against our tents; I've never been so thankful for that oh-so-thin nylon or whatever tents are made out of, it sure kept the wind out! Anyway, it was a different trip, but good...I'm making some new friends and they're noticing something different about me. Here's hoping God can use that down the line...

Another busy weekend.

This weekend I...

>Made some great new friends.

>Had a couple awesome, encouraging heart-to-hearts.

>Stayed up WAY past my bedtime!

>Went tubing down a snowy hill in the dark...at midnight.

>Was inspired by all this and more to really pursue God, really live intentionally in all I say and do.

"Hey now, this is my desire, consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach, cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful..."
[Needtobreathe, "Something Beautiful"]

Week in review

It's been a week since I last posted on here--and believe me, I have good excuses! Life has been busy, and it's not slowing down anytime soon. But on the upside, I'm out and about living life and finding tiny dangers all along the way! For instance...

>Went to middle school winter camp this weekend! 'Nuff said.

>Learned--and taught--a new 5th grade program on chemistry this week. Which is especially exciting, since I never took chemistry. But I think I've got the basics down now.

>On the second time teaching the aforementioned chemistry program, I definitely accidentally cussed in front of my students. Need to remember to enunciate particularly carefully when talking about acids...

>Went out to lunch with a work friend today, and enjoyed the chance to get to know her better!

>Danced with all my siblings to amazing hits brought to you by artists such as...Justin Bieber.....Pink......N*Sync........Hansen. Yep, it was an epic our-sister-leaves-for-Ukraine-again-tomorrow last night together.

Yep, it's been a good, busy week. Just the way it should be.

Busy day.

Today I won a game of Settlers ofCatan.

And asked for--and was granted--a Skype job interview.

And was covered with trash juice.

And dealt with a middle school girl's seizure at church.

Today was a beautiful, busy day.

Uhhh, pho...

Today some friends dragged me downtown after church (ok, so I went willingly) to have my first bowl of pho [said 'fuh,' apparently]. Tasty stuff (although I still think Thai is my favorite!), although I'm still not quite sure why we had to drive all the way downtown for it; I'm pretty sure there's pho places a LOT closer to home. But it all worked out...after lunch I dragged them (ok, so they went willingly too) a few blocks over to an eco-friendly street fair a friend from work told me about Friday. We got some free stuff (Clif Bars, recycled-money pencils, mint plants...), met some interesting people, and then loaded up our cars with LOADS of musty and dusty old books that the used bookstore across the street was clearing out. All in all, it was definitely an unexpected way to spend my Sunday afternoon, but I kinda loved it.

Mysterious.

Tonight I did something I would rather not disclose on the internet. Nothing bad, nothing wrong, just something I don't necessarily want to throw out into the universe for the taking. But let's just say that if you knew me in high school, or even college, you would probably be shocked and awed and maybe just a little bit proud of me.

Earlier today two work friends told me I was looking great with my new haircut and few pounds I've dropped...then they both asked--separately--if I was in love! I wish...

Just a little bit ago I had a random thought I've never even considered before: "Maybe I'll take dance lessons this summer, just for fun..." This from ME--who once had a pro-dancing friend tell me with a meaningful look in her eye, "Some people just don't have it..."

I think I'm growing. I don't know what it's all leading up to, but it makes me excited.

Cold feet.

Tonight was the moment I've been waiting for since October: Andy Grammer was back in town, and I had tickets to see him again! So, along with 3 sisters and 1 friend, I headed out to Hollywood on a Tuesday night. And he did not disappoint; every song was a sweet morsel of positive, poppy goodness that I sang along with wholeheartedly. This time I knew WAY more than 2 songs, and I sang out to let Andy know. Fan-freaking-tastic night!

There was one little thing I wish I'dve done differently, though. I WISH I'dve gone up and said hi to Bruno Mars! Because after straining to see him across the room for who knows how long, and deciding that if he walked by, ONE of us needed to go ask if he was who we thought he was, we didn't. While we were standing in the merch line he walked up and was standing something like 3 feet away...and somehow, while none of us were too shy to stop staring, none of us had the guts either to go up and say something either. And when we got home and did a bit more stalking to confirm our suspicions, I kind of kicked myself for missing out on that memorable moment. Next time. Next time there WILL be a story to tell.

Hands off.

Ok, so I know every time I go get a haircut I use that as my "tiny danger" for the day. Really, it's something that's always scared me to do! But today was different. Today I went in to see Audrey and, instead of just doing the same old, same old, I told her, "I want to do something different...nothing drastic, but not what I usually do. What do you think?" and I let her get to work. I've always dreamed about doing that, but never actually had the guts for it. But today I did, and so far, I'm loving the result!

Abundace of grace.

Today I spoke in front of 250+ people for nearly an hour straight. Me--once shy, quiet, homeschooled, terrified-of-public-speaking me. And you know what, it went great. It made me stop and realize just how far I've come, just how far God has brought me. I'm still not there yet--wherever there might be--but one thing's for sure: I'm not who I used to be. And that's awesome. And it kind of blows my mind, and makes me want to worship.

I was reading Romans 5 today and came across a verse, or I guess more specifically a phrase in a verse that really stood out to me...

"For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ." [Rom. 5:17]

Abundance of grace. I really like that. It really seems to fit my life. Everything I have, everything I've done, is only because of the grace of God. And not just a little bit of it--an ABUNDANCE of it. He's positively overflowing with an endless supply of this free gift I don't deserve! And that blows my mind. And that REALLY makes me want to worship.

Lights out.

Went to Disneyland with the fam today for a few hours, and although things started out great (I got my best score EVER on Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters!!!) by ride #2 they went downhill. FAST.

Indiana Jones. One of my favorite rides in the park, it always feels like an adventure! Today definitely was, although NOT the kind of adventure I was used to. Jumping in line with my sister and a stroller pass in hand, we breezed through the first half of the wait before getting added to the regular queue. Still, things were moving quickly enough--until they weren't. Then they told us the ride was broken, they weren't sure why, but we were welcomed to wait it out. Less than 5 minutes later, we were moving again--yay!! Then, as we were making our final descent, I misstepped onto a landing and totally rolled my ankle with a sickening popopopopopop! Yeah, it hurt, but I didn't want to make a scene so yeah, I kept moving--until I couldn't. Suddenly the world started spinning, things started getting dark and, as much as I tried to convince my sister (and myself) otherwise, blacked out. Woke up with my face leaning against the wall, sister with a death grip on my right arm, strange man keeping me from tumbling down the rest of the stairs on my left. Then I woke in a crouch with my back against the wall, and this time the strange man offered me his wife's water bottle. Then we were ready to jump in a jeep, it was all I could do to put one blind foot in front of the other as my sister half-led, half-carried me to an empty wheelchair, where I promptly collapsed yet again. So much for not making a scene...

Blacking out at Disneyland. Definitely a new adventure for me. Definitely NOT one I'd like to do again anytime soon!

So sweet.

A few weeks back I saw a book showing you how to make cake pops, and ever since then have been dying to try my hand at them. So today, on this lovely Valentine's Day, I gave them a shot. And while they may not be quite as beautiful as the ones in the books, they still turned out deliciously fantastic. The end.

Poison oak and incense.

Went on an impromptu hike with some work friends today, to a place I've been SO CLOSE to for SO LONG, yet never knew was RIGHT THERE! We hiked back to a beautiful waterfall on a gorgeous February day in So Cal, munching our Uncrustables and granola bars as we went--and dodging branch after branch of poison oak! It was everywhere, and we all came into contact with it in some way, shape or form throughout the course of the day. And now it remains to be seen: who will survive?

On the way back from the hike, we pulled off onto a side road and followed the windy lane up to a monastery belonging (I think) to a branch of buddhism. I say "I think" because when we asked the lady who volunteered in the gift shop, even she was like, "That's a good question...I've asked the swamis here and never really gotten a straight answer..." or something like that. One of my friends in particular seemed really interested in what the monks/swamis were all about, even bought a book from their intensely incense-ful bookstore. I felt like I was walking around in a fragrant cloud while we were there, not quite sure what to say or do or where to go. Didn't have a whole lot to say during our visit; hoping an opportunity will come up this week to talk with my friend a little more about what we saw there...

Sharing the joy.

Trained up another coworker today, except this time we got to play with animals--LOTS of animals! Snake and salamander and possum and chinchilla and owl...and hawk. The hawk I've been DYING to get to know for the last 3+ years. The hawk I JUST learned how to handle last week. The hawk I was still getting to know. We wanted to bring out the hawk tonight and, although a part of me was afraid I'd get something wrong, something would happen I wasn't trained for, it went great.

The selfish part of me didn't want to bring the hawk along tonight because, after all, I'd been waiting for that special moment for years; my coworker had only been back for a little over a month! But when I saw his face when we first stepped into the room with our feathered friend, and when he held him on his arm--and dug a talon or two in--for the first time, I remembered how I felt the first time I had that privilege, how I still feel. And in that moment any thought of keeping it to myself melted away in the joy of being able to share that moment with someone else. And it was even better than the first time.

Criticism or compliment?

Remember that new position they've been training me in at work over the last month or two? Well, now they've started to send me out to train other people! I guess they've liked what they've seen so far. Today I went out to train a girl I know ok this year, and showed her the to-the-best-of-my-knowledge ropes. And overall, I think the training went pretty well.

Lunchtime was the most exciting. We ended up having over 2 hours to sit and eat and chat about life and whatever and somehow, the conversation turned to God and religion. I ended up mostly listening, she can be kind of a talker, but it was cool to hear about her life and background and what's made her who she is. She told me that out of the few "religious" people at work that she knows well, there are a few she can't stand...but I'm not one of them. Some of them, in her opinion, "force" their religion on everyone, always throwing it out there in everyone's face, are super outspoken about it, etc. But I haven't been one who's done that, and she appreciates it.

It left me chewing on a couple different questions... Am I speaking up enough about who I am and what I believe? Being a people-pleaser is what I naturally try to do, but am I compromising when it comes to this oh-so-important area of my life? Or, on the flip side, am I doing a good job of loving and living the way I should, taking opportunities to speak up when they arise, but not being overbearing and forceful to people who don't want to hear that? Was her comment a criticism or compliment in view of how I should be living as a follower of Christ? I'm still not completely sure.

But I do know this: at the end of the day, as I told her how much I'd enjoyed hanging out and chatting with her today, I said, "And you know, if you ever want to talk about God or religion or anything, let me know! I'd love to chat with you and will do my best not to judge you or anything..." She kind of laughed, but who knows? Maybe one day soon she'll take me up on my offer...I'm praying she does.

Superbowl.

So I'm not much of a sports fan. Wasn't raised in a sports-watching family, and just have never really developed much of an interest. If I tried, I think soccer and hockey would be 2 I could get into. Football...not so much.

But this Superbowl I was invited to a friend's Superbowl party to not only watch the game, eat some delicious treats, but also to have a "hopefully non awkward way to meet solid guys who happen to be eligible bachelors." Mind you, this wasn't like a bff's party. It was the party of a friend from work who is not an eligible bachelor himself, but just might be one of the few that I'd be ok with setting me up since we have similar backgrounds, beliefs, etc.

So I went. And I actually sat through all of the Superbowl for I'm pretty sure the first time ever. And it was fun. And no, I don't have any plans for Valentine's Day.

Nailed it.

Yesterday I hung out with Apollo and, in the process, learned a new program at work (or maybe it's the other way around...). Anyway, I observed it twice, and the plan was to observe it one more time today before teaching/team teaching on the rest of the programs. That was the plan, anyway.

Today the other teacher ended up getting called away somewhere else, so I got to teach this brand-spankin'-new-for-me program all by lonesome--4 times. And somehow, I managed to fool the teachers into thinking I'd been teaching this one forever! Nailed it.

Flying high.

Today was a long-awaited red-letter day: today I held Apollo, my program's red-tailed hawk for the first time. Managed to avoid his talons this first time around; we'll have to see if I'm quite as lucky tomorrow... Either way, it's TOTALLY worth it!

Creepy old men.

My sister and I have been talking for a while now about having a "big kids' movie night," with a movie the little guys aren't up for seeing quite yet, and a glass of wine in hand. Not something we typically do, but a fun once-in-a-while occurrence. Tonight was the night. The sister's job: grab the movie. My job: grab the wine.

Now I am NOT a wine connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I'm pretty sure today was my first day buying alcohol. I'd only been into a BevMo once before, when a friend introduced me to a delicious dessert wine over the holidays. So I knew what I was looking for, just not where to look for it. Roamed for 10 minutes before I finally asked for help...and then discovered I was only about 6 steps away. Figures.

Then there was the old man at the checkout--definitely an interesting fellow. Our conversation went something like this...

Him: "You've got such a great smile!"
Me: "Thanks."
Him: "Really! Your smile just brightened my day!"
Me: "Ummm...thanks. Glad I could brighten your day."
Him: "So do you come here a lot?"
Me: "Nope, this is my first time ever!"
Him: "Well are you going to come back?"
Me: "Ummm...maybe."
Him: "For the wine, or for me?"

Lol. Oh slightly creepy old men working at BevMo. You sure are an interesting breed.

The Giving Week: Saturday

Today, on my one day to sleep in all week long, I rose at 6am, donned what are pretty much my work clothes, and headed out the door. My location was a little bit different than normal, though. Instead of heading out to any of a dozen parks, nature centers, or beaches, I set off for a work friend's house for a day of epic adventure: hiking the Bridge to Nowhere. Little did I know it wouldn't just be with a few work friends and their spouses, but also with some old high school buddies of one...adventures with strangers, always exciting. We forded rivers, passed crusty old gold prospectors and fly fisherman, and about midday made it to the bridge--just in time for the bungee jumping! Now THAT'S a tiny danger we'll have to save for another day...

Oh yeah, and this morning before heading out the doors, Betty Crocker and I made blueberry muffins, which were met with great rejoicing. After all, who can say no to fresh muffins on a Saturday morning?

The Giving Week: Friday

This afternoon I gave a friend a ride when I was already basically running late. And you want to know something? I still made it in time to my next scheduled appearance. And we got a few minutes of good face time to catch up. Amazing how it all works out.

The Giving Week: Wednesday

Today the golden shoes finally found their home. And they were met with much rejoicing--on all sides.

The Giving Week: Tuesday

I guess something I'm learning from this whole giving week thing is this: while sometimes giving is rather spontaneous, so often it's a well-planned out action. Not just something we do in the moment--although those are some sweet moments--but often something we do as the result of a seen need. Sometimes it's a lifesaver; other times it's just a blessing.

Today at work a friend mentioned a podcast he's been wanting to listen to, but can't get old episodes of anymore. So tonight I'm burning him a cd of 21 episodes, and am excited to hand them over when next our roving paths cross.

The Giving Week: Sunday

Today I shopped around a bit and, in the process, came across some shoes on clearance that my sister's been eyeing but unable to find in her size. I was debating on whether or not to save them for her birthday in about a month, but I think it'll be more fun to just surprise her with them out of the blue one day. I don't do stuff like that too much, and I'm kind of excited to spring them on her.

Funny...if I'd just bought the shoes for myself, I would have been excited at the find and the price, but that wouldn't have lasted too long. But buying them with the intention of giving away...now that thought makes me smile. I'm going to have to remember this for my next bad day...

Day 3: successful plotting for a soon-to-be-successful give.

The Giving Week: Saturday

At this point, I'm not quite sure what this summer is going to hold. I don't know where I'll be living or what I'll be doing, whether I'll still be in So Cal or trying on another state for size. But one thing I do know: I won't be living here anymore. So in preparation for whatever lies ahead, I've decided it's time to clean out closets, whittle down all the stuff I've accumulated over the last almost-2-years living in this apartment. Today's project: my closet. I filled a giant Target bag with clothes that no longer fit or I just plain didn't wear anymore, and handed it off to my sister. One thing's for sure: it was way more fun to see how excited my sister got at the contents of the bag than it has been for me to keep shoving them around in my closet.

Day 2 of The Giving Week: success.

Pizza pizza.

Tonight the roomie and I grabbed a $5 pizza for dinner...yum yum. On our way out of the pizza shop with our trophy, a seemingly-homeless lady came up to me and said she was trying to get some money together for a pizza herself. I honestly had no cash on me, but offered her a slice of ours instead. I got a big smile and a "God bless you!" as she took her slice. Not a big thing; honestly, I wonder if I should have just gone back in and bought her her own pizza. But it did feel good to give, even just a little bit.

One of my best friends gave me a devotional book for Christmas: Inspiration for Girlfriends by Ellen Miller. To be honest, I've never been a big fan of these often-cheesy and fluffy devo books, but I've been loving reading Miller's "Truth Nuggets" every day. And on January 6, the entry opened with these words:

"I believe we rob ourselves of joy by not giving something away--every day."

So this week, that's my goal: to give something away every day. I'm not quite sure what this will look like all week long, but I'm excited for the challenge, excited to bless some people in some small (or maybe not so small...?) ways. We'll see what God does with this one...

Take that.

I've never been a cusser at any point in my life. Growing up, "crap," "pee," and "shutup" were bad words; anything beyond that was simply unthinkable. Even now in my 20's I'm proud to report I've never had cause to cuss anyone out or give them the bird.

But tonight I flipped off Tony Horton. He's had it coming for a long time now.

Me in a classroom

Our fearless leader for our 3-week theology series at church was off traveling the world this week...and he asked me to step in. So up I got in front of 17 or so 7th-graders, and did my very bestest to fill them all in on "How do we read the Bible?" A few of the punk boys tried to push back, shouting out wrong answers and other randomness. I took a page from my how-to-deal-with-annoying-kids-in-the-field manual...and pointedly ignored them. They shut up eventually. All in all, my night in the classroom went relatively smoothly. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give myself...7.

Shuffle.

We were missing some key middle school leaders at church this morning, so those of us who remained did a bit of shuffling around. My usual support and sometimes-announcements role changed; this morning I was in charge of running the game. Nothing major, just a 20-minute or so ice breaker is what we normally do. So I busted one out that I've played at camp--in Sequoia, in Ukraine, in Big Bear--with great results. And while I wouldn't say it was a total flop, I wouldn't say it was a total hit either. Mostly I blame it on it just being a weird morning in general; maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better. In any case, the humiliation was of the mildest form, and I live to fight another day...

Front and center.

Monday I received an e-mail asking if I wanted to work Friday; yesterday it was finally confirmed. Today I showed up at the office to grab my animals and supplies and find out what the heck I was doing. 3 animals, 20 minutes, no big deal really; I've done it a million times before (more or less).

Then I got to the park with my critters and the park people sent me towards the giant outdoors stage. Then they sent me up on the stage. Not how I normally teach, it gave me a little bit of a thrill/chill. The kids came up and kept me company, and they were way into what I had to show them, so it didn't turn out so weird after all. All in all, a good night.

Utah.

Chatted with my Mormon friend at work today about life, Utah, missions, our different faiths, and just barely scratched the testimony surface. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, but it was the first conversation of this type I've had with him, and I didn't back down or wimp out, and it was good. Hopeful for more...

Standing on the edge of me.

Yesterday I started to feel a burning in my soul for something new, something exciting, something scary. Don't quite know what that something is yet, but I sure am anxious to find out!

Today I shared these thoughts and feelings with my bff and mom. Can't help to have more people praying for clarity too, right?

Introduced my sis and a couple of out-of-state childhood friends to one of my favorite Hollywood music venues tonight! The new artists were good, but catching up with friends and hanging out with my sis made the night pretty fantastic. And I DID get to hear Amy Kuney again, after far too long. And guess what song she opened with...?

Beautiful morning, it's a beautiful morning
Dressed up in summer and tied with a bow
Let's be courageous and face tiny dangers
And let's climb those fences with signs that say "don't"
Beautiful man, I'm a beautiful woman
Find simple pleasures wherever we go
It's the simple things that make us feel at home

Cock-a-doodle-do!

Christmastime has been full of busyness and not a few tiny dangers, including...

>Cooking and having a few family members over for dinner.

>Airport traffic--'nuff said.

>Hung out with the bff's boyfriend for the longest time yet, even took him and her on a road trip to the mountains!

>Played some broom hockey with complete strangers...and it was awesome.

>Walked an icy hill in total darkness.

>Attempted to drive several icy hills...and backslid all the way back down.

And then today...an early morning run to the airport left me much to close to work to drive back home, but with 2 hours to kill before the day officially began. So I found a Starbucks, drank a chai, and briefly conversed with a man who seemed to be the unofficial mayor of that particular shop. Definitely interesting. Starbucks are quite enjoyable at the buttcrack of dawn, I have to admit. If only it was easier getting out of bed...