Open books.

As you would know if you've read my first post on this blog, I had my birthday last week. 26. Officially up and over the crest of my mid-20s, on my way down the other side. Funny, I've never really felt old before, still always scoff when people my age and even a few years older sigh about how old they've gotten. Yet this past year, I've been noticing it. Small changes in my body, little creaks and groans; nothing big, but there nonetheless. Feeling odd that I remember the way certain things used to be wherever or with whatever when a new generation doesn't. And changes in my social circles--or at least, how I interact with and relate to my social circles. After all, there haven't been any drastic changes in the people I know and spent time with, really. I just notice things that I either never noticed or that never really bothered me before. Maturity levels. Cliques. Differences in interest. Age differences. I can definitely tell when I'm hanging out with people who are my peers versus those who are younger, and I long for more of these peer interactions--the way they challenge me, they way they encourage me, the way they cause me to think and grow. And I'm slightly more put off and reluctant to hang out with at least certain non-peer groups; not that I don't like them anymore, it's just that sometimes I feel like it's draining me of energy and holding me back somewhat from growing, and I don't want that. So I've been trying to prioritize, spending more time investing in the more iron-sharpens-iron relationships and less in the ones that keep my sharp edges more dulled.

Tonight feeling old and not wanting to feel dulled almost kept me from going to a hangout night. That, and the fact that I didn't know much of anyone there; this might sound bad, but I didn't really want to make new friends with more young "kids," I'd much rather with people my own age. Thanks to Facebook RSVP's, I thought there'd be at least a few peers there (to my shame, I am one of those people sometimes). Didn't know they'd cancel less than an hour before the party. So I showed up in a new place with a gang of new faces around, nervously half considering how and when I could make a premature escape if needed. And I ended up staying for pizza, multiple games of Mafia, a movie, cleanup and hangout. And I was pleasantly surprised, some of these people were pretty stinkin' legit. Lovers of God. Lovers of people. And when I left after 5 hours I didn't feel dulled, I felt like I'd had a good night hanging out with some cool new people, even made a few new friends I'd love to pursue more.

Maybe you'll think me a stuck-up, selfish jerk after reading this post; sometimes I wonder if I'm too far gone that way too. I'm not perfect, that's for sure. But tonight I was humbled in my attitude. Humbled and challenged yet again to be open and willing to give people a chance (or in some cases, another). To not judge a book by its cover, but to look at each person as a unique and special child of God who I may have the opportunity to both teach and learn from. And I don't want to miss those chances.

"They were books themselves, all of them were books, and what was so wonderful is that to them, I was a book too. We would sit around and talk about literature and each other, and I couldn't tell the difference between the books they were talking about and their lives..." [Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz]